So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Randomize
