On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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