I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
