she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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