just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
