oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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