Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
i out mim tonsoeep
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