Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
