So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
