Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
