Buhtt sex?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
