we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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