i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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