Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
