haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
