He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
