Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
