between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
