also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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