I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
