Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!"Â, then passed out on the couch.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
