My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
She bit a glass in half.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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