Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
