.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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