he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize