where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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