god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
