Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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