I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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