he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
