the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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