I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
