i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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