But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
