Joe is yelling at the trees again.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
