Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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