Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
