so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
