Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
