Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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