Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
