im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
