The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
