i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
