I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
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At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
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Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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