11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
