Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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