nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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