Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
