she woke up with a sticky ear
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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