my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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