well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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