he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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