I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize
