I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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