some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
