i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
