It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
