my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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