I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
