i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
