he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
