sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
