He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
