he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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