you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
